I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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