And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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