A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He better not be in your backpack
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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