the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
