That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
