absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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