go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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