He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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