I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Drunk is a universal language darling
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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