The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
