In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
