YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
