Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
