Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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