its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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