Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
