you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He passed out mid-signature
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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