His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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