Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
