gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
