Cold hands, warm shart.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
