the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
