You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize