she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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