The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
