Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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