I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
