Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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