Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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