We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We're too hungover to prance.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
