Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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