JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
