I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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