I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
