i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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