Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
