I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
