My first STD was from a foam party
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
