Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize