News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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