in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
