Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So squirting runs in the family.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How does one acquire holy water?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
