So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
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I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize