If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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