So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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