Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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