My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
