Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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