Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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