Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
