I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize