i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
