Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
