You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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