woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
