Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
