there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
