we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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