When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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