The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
