I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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